The Puppet Master Read online

  Eric’s eyes looked black in the dark light of the caravan but there was no mistaking the fact he was awake. He had been lying on the other side of her gran but he must have changed position at some point in the night. His body was so close to hers, though thankfully not wrapped around her like Holly still was. He reached out and brushed some hair away from her face and it was like her blood stilled and her heart stopped. She didn’t like the intense way that he was looking at her.

  “Come here,” he whispered. He was wheezing a bit as he spoke. She didn’t move. She tried to convince herself that he probably just wanted a hug. He hugged her a lot and she had always loved being held by him. But something stopped her this time. Her intuition was screaming at her not to move. Her fear must have shown on her face because he smirked at her and whispered to her again.

  “It’s okay if you don’t want to come here. I will wake your sister instead and give her my attention. I’m sure she would like it.” When she still didn’t respond, he started to rise and move towards her sister. Instantly, she stopped him before he could fully move and grabbed his arm pulling him back down. She moved away from his sister and knee-walked across the bed to his side.

  Eric turned her so that her back was pressed against his chest. Billie could hear his breath in her ear and it made her feel sick. He was huffing and wheezing as he reached down and moved her legs apart. She had no idea what he was going to do. She was so scared. She felt something hard rubbing against the material at the apex between her legs and it was like her mind shattered. This wasn’t right and there was nothing she could do and with that all her thoughts disappeared and it was like she was floating. The sound of his fast breath against her ear and the feel of his hands rubbing up and down her body lessened till those senses had shut down and no longer existed. She stared at her sister’s face as she slept. She had her thumb in her mouth, blissfully sleeping and dreaming. Billie wondered what she dreamt about. She would love to know. The innocence of her sister’s face filled up her vision and her mind and that was all she thought of until she felt Eric still next to her. He patted her shoulder, she then felt him roll over to cuddle up to Gran and he never moved again.

  The next day, Billie was sat on the sofa in the caravan with her legs up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Eric walked up with a loving smile on his face and passed her the purse in his hand. It was hers and after he left, she looked inside and saw three £20 notes in it. Billie didn’t know what to think, what was the right response to this? Did this make her a prostitute? Why would he do this? What was she supposed to do? Her heart ached and her head hurt as she stared at the money with growing horror and disgust. What was she meant to do? She couldn’t understand it, Eric was a good man. Everyone said so. He was so kind to her. But then why would he do whatever it was he did last night? Was he allowed to do this? She felt so lonely. It was this confusion that made her intercept him last night when he went towards Holly. Last night, he had the same look in his eyes as he did when they were by the conker tree. She would not let her sister be subjected to the same turmoil that she felt. She didn’t know if what he was doing was supposed to happen or not, but she knew the way it made her feel and she never wanted her little sister to feel like that. She was the oldest and it was her job to protect Holly, whether she liked her or not, that was her job.

  Billie looked out the window at her gran. She was spread out on the sun lounger. She had a happy smile on her face as she relaxed. She looked so elegant, she always had the best and most expensive clothing. She always looked so stylish and sophisticated. She had an exquisite diamond necklace with matching earrings on that were glinting in the sun. She wanted to go out there and beg her to tell her what she should do. But she had already done that. Her gran had quite clearly explained that Billie would be sent away. Where would she go? She didn’t want to never see her mum and sister again. As much as they weren’t perfect, she loved them with all her heart. And who’s to say Eric wouldn’t start doing these things to her sister. She turned away from the window and sighed. She took some deep breaths and resolved to not think about it. Like last night, she would focus on something else and fill her mind with that. If she didn’t think about it, it didn’t happen. The worst part of the whole situation was that she couldn’t hate Eric. Not even a little bit. She was scared of him but she didn’t hate him. He had become more important to her than anyone that she knew. He would listen to her, console her, he was whatever she needed at that moment. The moments that he scared her were very far and few between. The ways in which he made her life better outweighed the way in which he scared her.

  As if he knew she was thinking about him, he came back into the caravan and sat next to her.

  “Look, about last night,” he said. “I’m sorry I reached over to your sister. That was unacceptable. I just wanted you to be close to me so much. I know how jealous of your sister you get, so I thought that would make you stop thinking so much and just come to me.” He looked over to her, put his arm around her and smiled warmly. “You are so beautiful, can’t you understand why I would want to be close to you? I know that you are still young, but you will understand and learn to enjoy our close time. I won’t push you again. I don’t want to upset you. Your happiness means more to me than anything. I’m just trying to guide you, you are still learning, let me help you. I know what is right and what isn’t. I won’t do anything that isn’t right.” He stared at her so intensely that she couldn’t fail to see the sincerity in his eyes. She sighed.

  No one ever spoke to her like he did. He always knew the right thing to say to her, what she wanted to hear. She was scared that he was right, she thought she was protecting her sister last night. But was she jealous? Was she just too young to understand? Maybe she did just need to let go and trust Eric. After all, he only ever treated her with love and kindness. Did she really want to lose him when he was the only person that gave her attention or the time of day? Everyone at school disregarded her as a person and treated her like a target for cruel comments when they were bored. Her mother was a drama queen wrapped up in her own world and unable to tear herself away from her sister’s little girl charms long enough to spend much time with Billie. So all she really had was Eric.

  Chapter Twenty

  2005

  Adam

  It had been seven years since his mother had died and Adam hated the fact that he could no longer remember her laughter. The time he had with her was always filled with her flowery laughter, she loved to laugh and be happy. It caused him pain in his chest that he didn’t think would ever heal when he tried to recall the way her face lit up when she saw him. The pictures he had of her didn’t capture that, they were two-dimensional, dull and bland. They didn’t show how warm her cuddles were, the sparkle in her eye when she laughed. The energy that she buzzed with every day. The only thing that made him feel better was Elle. They were in the same year together and he had finally plucked up the courage to ask her to be his girlfriend. Since they’d all grown up, everyone got over the fact that Adam’s dad was a drunk. It was just normal and he was no longer ostracised from the other kids. So he had a good enough social standing at school to be considered an adequate dating partner for Elle. That was what she’d told him her friends had said. She had the same infectious laughter that his mum had, she was as vibrant and funny as her and so it made Adam feel better about her. They were only fourteen but he was convinced she was the love of his life. In fact, he was going to introduce her to his uncle as his official girlfriend. She’d met him at the zoo a couple of years back, but this was different.

  Uncle Eric drove into the car park of a cafe and they all got out the car. It was a lovely day outside, the wind was gently blowing Elle’s shoulder length brown hair around her shoulders. Her cream dress was swaying gently in the breeze. Adam thought she looked awesome. As a growing young man himself, he thought they looked quite good together, both slim and good looking. Well, that is what Elle said when they passed notes at school. They s
at on the benches outside, it was called the Water Cafe and they had a nice view of the river. It was Adam’s favourite kind of day. Part of him always longed to be outside walking around and exploring. On the days when his uncle wasn’t there, he found it easier to escape outside rather than deal with his dad’s changing moods.

  They had eventually managed to coexist together now, if he stayed out of his dad’s way, his father would sign forms that needed to be signed and give out dinner money. All the finances were sorted by his uncle because his dad had been signed off sick with depression and didn’t really care about anything apart from where his next pint was going to come from.

  Adam was lucky that if you knew where to go there were some beautiful places to discover in Worcester. He would take his bike and cycle anywhere and everywhere. He would sometimes talk to his mum, telling her how much she would love this place or that park. He loved being outdoors, his favourite places were the forests. There were so many animals and so much activity going on in the woods, it made him feel less alone. If it weren’t for his uncle’s visits, he would be tempted to just live in the forest. On a day like this, he longed to be out in the trees, watching the animals basking in the sun. But Elle was nice too, and he would not miss his uncle visiting for the world.

  The conversation flowed easily between all three of them, although Uncle Eric didn’t seem to like Elle’s endless questions about his life. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t bring his new girlfriend Sylvia down with him sometimes.

  “Surely she can’t be working every weekend?” Adam knew she was annoying his uncle because each time she asked a question he didn’t like, he just ignored her and changed the subject. Adam was disappointed because he really wanted his uncle to like her but it didn’t seem like they got on. Sure enough, once they had dropped Elle back home, Uncle Eric asked if they could go for a drink somewhere before they called it a night.

  “Son, you know when you have any problems, you ring me and I give you my advice?” Adam nodded, resigned to where this was going, that he was too young for a girlfriend. “Well, I want to give you some advice now. We haven’t really had the girl talk have we? And we both know that it is unlikely you’ll get it from your dad. Well, what I’ve learnt from all my years is that there are certain girls that you should go for and certain ones you need to watch out for. Now, listen up, son, this is the best advice you’ll get. Now Elle is cute, don’t get me wrong, she’s nice to look at, she’s confident and chatty. But she’s the type of girl you need to watch out for. If you end up getting tied down to a girl like her, she’ll have you trained up like her own personal pet before you know what’s hit you. Does that make sense? So the girls you want to go for are the vulnerable ones. The unpopular ones. Men like us, Adam, we aren’t the sort of men that want to be made effeminate and controlled. We are men’s men. We are strong and in control. So we need women who respect that. We need a woman who we can make who we want them to be. Look at your dad, he was married to your mum. Now, no disrespect to your mum, she was an amazing woman, but she was one of those that trained men to become who they wanted them to be, and now look at your dad. He can’t exist without her; without someone to tell him what to do and how to be. You don’t want that do you, son?” Adam shook his head.

  Why didn’t he realise this before? Man, he was so lucky that his uncle would talk to him on this level. “I knew you’d get it. You’re so smart and intelligent. We’re so similar you and me. So when you go back to school, find a girl who is unpopular, a loser and ask her out. She’ll be so grateful for your attention that she’ll do whatever you want. That’s the sort of girl us Hawkins need. Isn’t that right, son?”

  As soon as school started on Monday, Adam told Elle the news. She was really upset and Adam felt terrible because he did really like her. But his uncle was right. Everything he said made sense; he was only looking out for Adam’s best interests and he had never steered him wrong before. He really wished he lived with his uncle, life would be so much simpler.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  2008

  Billie

  Billie had a boyfriend. It was awesome and she was so happy. But a small voice in the back of her head kept whispering that she was living a lie. She’d barely seen Eric for a couple of weeks as he had been away a lot. Not that she ever knew why. But she worried about when he returned. From what she knew of boyfriends, they expected her to tell them everything and be faithful. She failed on both counts. She wanted so much to explain her circumstances to Carl but she couldn’t. How could she tell him that when she finished school, she had to go to her gran’s house where Eric would make her let him touch her wherever he wanted – using her sister as blackmail. Then when he was done with her, she would rush outside and find Carl and they would kiss and cuddle. He would not understand. She didn’t even understand. All she kept thinking about was what Eric reminded her, she was protecting her sister and keeping her family together. Anyway, she had become exceptional at compartmentalising, she just shoved her guilt and disgust in a box and locked it away. Instead, she focused on the glowing feeling she got when she thought of Carl. He was so handsome and lovely, she didn’t know what he saw in her. His sparkling brown eyes and almost matching brown hair were all she could think of. She couldn’t wait to tell their children how they became girlfriend and boyfriend, the edited version though, as even Carl didn’t know all the story.

  Until she met him, her life been a lonely existence, she was completely isolated. She went out to play in the village because she couldn’t stand the look on her mum’s face when she stayed inside and read. Without fail, her mum would appear at the bedroom door.

  “I thought you would have been out with the other kids by now, your sister has already gone.” Her question was really an order. On a rare occasion she refused to go out because she couldn’t stand to be ignored any longer. Her mother would look at her like she had let her down. She wondered how she would react if she knew that everyone ignored her at school. But now, she had to admit, something had actually become of hanging around outside, she had been able to make a connection with Carl. He had just moved to the village and was yet to hear the rumours about her that the bullies spread around. So he allowed her to become part of his group.

  He liked to skateboard and listen to Green Day and one day, unable to cope with being invisible, she had told him that she had every album that they had released and that her mum was going to buy her a skateboard and ramp next week for her fifteenth birthday. That day he said he didn’t understand why everyone hated her at school. He had thought she was weird until he realised she liked Green Day and skateboarding. She knew buying that skateboard ramp would pay off.

  A couple of months later, their friendship was growing and they had gone on a walk. It was snowing, as it did most of winter months in the Windermere. Having nothing much else to do they began walking and they were so busy talking that they just kept going. They had so much fun together, they threw snowballs at each other and talked and talked. For an avid skateboarder, he had so much that she could talk to him about. This was despite the fact there was no trace of a Tony Hawk gene in her body and the music he listened to made her want to cry. He was really funny as well. They were walking down a country lane, where there would normally have been grass banks either side of them, but now there were mounds of snow. Carl was telling her something that had her in hysterics, she couldn’t remember exactly what because what happened next drove it from her mind. She had bent over because she was laughing so much and she realised with horror that she was about to pee. The urge was undeniable and panic flushed through her. In her desperation, she launched to the side into the snow and started to make a snow angel. “What on earth are you doing?” chuckled Carl. She peed in the snow as quickly as she could using the snow to cover the most humiliating thing that her body had done to her. She laughed to cover her embarrassment and hoped that he would just think it was the cold air that was making her cheeks so red. She couldn’t actually believe w
hat was happening and she just hoped and prayed when she stood up she had covered enough snow over her… indiscretion. She quickly stood, put her arm through Carl’s and pulled him further down the lane.

  “Making a snow angel of course, but now I’m too cold so let’s hurry back.” They walked down the road and Billie tried hard to continue as if nothing had happened and regaled Carl with stories to distract him from looking too closely at her, she talked about her childhood, family, and the girls at school. As she talked, she was furious at whichever god it was that hated her so much that her body failed in front of the cutest boy in the world.

  Back in her house Billie went for a bath, trying to warm her body that was shivering in protest at her escapades in the snow. She was about to get in when the house phone rang. She was the only one in the house so she ran to her mum’s bedroom, hastily wrapping a towel around her. “Hello?”

  “It’s Carl.”

  “Oh, everything okay? You’ve only been gone ten minutes.”

  “Yeah, go outside.”

  “What? No thanks. My bath just said that, I’m not allowed to as that is rude, and it’s too cold.” He laughed.

  “Well, could you please tell your bath that this is a matter of utmost importance?” She giggled at the posh voice that he put on.

  “Are you outside?” she questioned, she tried to remember where her clothes were and exactly how quickly she could get dressed.

  “Nah, but I left something for you. Under your plant pot next to the bench.”

  “Okay.” It showed in her voice how weird she found this request. “Can I have five minutes to change?”

  “Go now, just put a dressing gown on or something.” He was chuckling, she wished she knew what was so funny. She walked into her bedroom, put on her fluffy pink dressing gown. It was the only one she owned and she crossed her fingers that this wasn’t a trick and he wasn’t outside the house.