The Puppet Master Read online

  So, woman I treasure, if you are reading this, please know that I was a victim, under the control of my uncle. I didn’t suffer like you did but I was still under his control.

  There aren’t enough words in the world to tell you how sorry I am for all the pain my family and I have brought you. But I want you to know that you can trust me. I have publicly denounced my uncle. I will never be part of his life. I will give him nothing. But if you would let me, I would give you everything. Yes, I am related to the man who nearly destroyed you. But I am not him. I may have only had my mother for eight years but I am everything she taught me. I am a good man. I have learnt from this experience and I will never be controlled again.

  My uncle took great delight in telling you of our relationship, knowing what it would do. I don’t want to let him win. I don’t want you to come back to me just to stick it to him. You should come back to me because no one can understand you the way I do. We’ve both been dealt difficult hands in life. We’ve both suffered at the hands of the same man. So there are no two people better suited. I may have met you, intending to trick you, but I couldn’t help but be myself around you. I spent time trying to break through your barriers and the whole time you had sailed through mine. Everything you know about me is the truth. You know who I really am. So you know that these words that I have written are the truth.

  Readers, thank you for reading my story. If you get time, send up a prayer that the woman I love will find the courage to take a leap of faith and come back to me.

  Although I wanted to write this to send a message to one person, I also have a message for everyone. Never let yourself become someone else’s puppet. Don’t live your life based on other people’s expectations or opinions of you. Be your own person. Be whatever you want to be. Every single person on this earth deserves to be happy and respected. So take a look around you. Think about the important people in your life. Do they make you happy? Do they let you be you? Or do they seek to run your life because they aren’t happy with their own?

  Never be afraid to let go of negative people. I let my uncle take advantage of me because I was scared of being alone in the world. Don’t let fear rule your life. Take a leap of faith. Have faith in yourself. It is better to be alone than a pawn in someone else’s game. Maybe if I had realised that earlier then my uncle would never have got to hurt all the girls that he did.

  Once again, thank you for reading; I wish you a happy life, full of decisions you have made to make you happy.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Billie

  Billie had read Adam’s article over and over again. She had to venture out and buy another copy because her tears had ruined and smudged the print of her first copy. Her heart was furious with her because she was still in her flat and not with Adam, holding him until they moulded into one person.

  She looked over at her suitcases, they were packed and by her front door. The court case was over and she didn’t even go to the sentencing. She thought that hearing that Eric had been found guilty would have caused a reaction within her. But it turns out, she didn’t care. She was numb to Eric and all that had happened to her. She had retreated back into her shell, life was exactly like it was before she met Adam. But everything was duller and it was harder.

  She had tried to work after her compassionate leave ended. That first time she arrived at the building, she felt exposed by the large glass windows that opened one side of the building up. It felt like everyone from each level was looking down on her, ready to attack and take advantage of her weakness.

  It took all her strength to convince herself to walk through the doors of the building. As she pushed open the door to the office she batted away the trickle of sweating making its way down the side of her face. Her breathing was laboured as a horrible thought struck her. Would people know? Since that day she had been immune to the outside world. She didn’t notice anyone or anything. It was like there was a screen around her and the outside world. Of course people knew. Oh God. This was a mistake. Her fear rose up and the panic attack took control of her body. She was still at the door to the office and she could see her manager coming over, concern on his face. His hands were in front of him and she could see he meant to touch her. Just squeezing down air through her constricted airway was difficult; she had no way to scream at him to not touch her. His hand landed on her shoulder just as she felt the ground race up towards her.

  She was now officially ‘let go’.

  On the up side, she and Bobby had become inseparable. She lay on the bed, clutching the newspaper even though she knew each word by heart. Bobby was sat on her chest as if trying to heal the pain in her heart with just his presence.

  Adam’s article was the most powerful piece of writing she had ever read. It was like she could see his heart and soul on the page. She couldn’t believe that he would expose himself like this. His brutal honesty and his unflinching assessments of himself were astounding. There was no way that she would ever be able to communicate like this, never mind to the whole world. She wished she was able to stand back like he had and analyse himself and what had happened. This was what she missed about him, he was so calm and logical. Each word exuded Adam’s personality. It was like she was right there with him, it was his voice she heard in her head.

  There was no doubt that she wanted to go to him. But she had said goodbye at the hospital. She had got a new phone and saved Adam’s number in it – though she had never given him the new number. After she’d seen him in the hospital, she had sent him a message from her old phone and asked him not to come to the flat. He had respected her wishes but had bombarded her with letters and text messages. Hence the new phone.

  She looked over at her packed suitcases. Two measly suitcases represented all her worldly possessions. One of them was just full of books.

  She was moving away to Devon. She’d answered an advertisement to be a live-in carer for an elderly lady who had no family. The advert had been so full of the lady’s loneliness that she couldn’t help but respond. She knew how the lady was feeling. After a long phone call – their mutual loneliness created an instant connection – Billie was due to leave in a week. She was ready to start afresh. If she did go back to Adam, she would never escape her past. She needed to move on.

  Billie was about to read the article again when there was a knock at the door. Her breath stopped and she began to shake. The new door had not been knocked on since it was fitted.

  “Who is it?” she questioned in a shaky voice.

  “It’s Mum.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Billie

  Billie worried that she was dreaming. Her mother? It was her voice. Billie almost felt for her pulse because her heart seemed to have stopped in shock. How did she find her? What was she doing here? She’d never made the effort to try and find her before. It had been nearly six years.

  On unsteady legs, Billie walked towards the door. She didn’t really want to open it. She couldn’t help but be worried; she hoped that no one had died. She undid all six of the extra locks that she had put on the door and opened it.

  Her mother looked old. The wrinkles had invaded her face, burrowing into her youthful skin, making way for old age. Her hair was still the same dyed colour it used to be. But instead of the sophisticated work attire she always wore, she was just in a pair of jeans and a jumper. She’d never seen her mother so under dressed, it made her even more uncomfortable. Like a stranger had walked into the room.

  This flat was never intended to have more than herself in it. She gestured to the only chair in the room. As soon as her mum sat down, Bobby jumped up onto her knee, demanding some fuss. She gave him an evil look. Traitor.

  Her mother stroked him absently and her eyes darted around, taking in the room. Billie was ashamed. When she left home, she envisioned that if she were to ever see her mother again, then she would be successful and rich. Not living in a dingy flat, barely more than a bedsit, with only one chair between them. Billie didn’t know wh
at to say. She sat down next to the coffee table and waited for her mother to explain why she was here. A few agonising minutes later, her mother spoke.

  “I heard about what happened.” Billie didn’t respond. What should she say to that? It wasn’t exactly surprising.

  “I can’t believe he did that to you. Watched you for all that time. I feel like it is all my fault, it’s been so hard for me,” said her mum.

  Here we go again, thought Billie. This was just like her, turning it around so it was all about her.

  “The press have been hounding us for information,” continued her mum. “Your sister has had to move out until the fuss dies down. She can’t cope.”

  When Billie didn’t reply, her mum gave her a sharp look.

  “I don’t suppose you care about your sister or any of us for that matter. Then again, I should be used to that as it has been years since we last heard from you.”

  When Billie still didn’t answer, her mum reached out and tucked a lock of Billie’s hair behind her ears. It was one of the most annoying things she could do. She used to do it all the time, despite the evil looks and loud protestations from Billie.

  “Why did you abandon us, Billie?” questioned her mum in a gentler voice. This was it. This was the perfect opportunity for Billie to say all of those things that she wished she had been brave enough to say to her mum years ago. But what difference would it make? She had spent enough years with her mum to know her inside and out. Billie knew that she could have the best, most well-researched, concrete argument for the things that her mother had done wrong, but that still wouldn’t be enough for her to acknowledge she’d made a mistake, and she definitely wouldn’t apologise. For her whole life, it was her mum’s way or the highway. She was the master of denial and she was also clever. She knew how to manipulate Billie so that she would end up apologising to her mum instead of the other way round.

  She stared at her mum and even as she visualised all the things she wanted to say – how she had betrayed Billie, how she had shown signs of not believing Billie, how she twisted everything so it was about her, how her sister was the favourite, she knew the responses her mother would give. There would be no admission of guilt, no apology or attempts to make amends. So what was the point? With this revelation, she felt like she had achieved some sort of closure.

  She always thought that she needed to have it out with her mum. To wring out the apology she knew she deserved. But actually, it wasn’t up to her to do this. Her mother was who she was, and it would be her loss if she couldn’t make right what she broke. For too long, Billie had lived her life in the shadows of other people, hiding away from the world scared of what they might do. But she would not be scared any more. And that began with her mother. She straightened her back and looked her mum in the eye.

  “What are you doing here, Mum? What do you want?”

  Her voice was calm and collected and she saw her mum’s eyes widen in surprise at the tone. She was obviously expecting the meek and mild Billie of old. Well, this Billie had survived Eric’s abuse and come out the other side. “Well, I thought this might be a good time to try and stop all this daftness of you ignoring us. It’s silly and juvenile. We are your family, you can’t just shut us out. I mean, I only found you because the newspapers printed that you were still in Worcester.” Even though she was expecting this sort of reaction from her mum, a swirl of disappointment ran through her at the lack of sympathy or compassion in her mother’s voice.

  “I’m sorry, Mum, but I’ve no interest in reconnecting with my family. I’ve managed five years without you and I will be just fine on my own. You don’t care that much or you would have reached out before now. I know that you love me, and I love you as well. But I don’t want to be around you. I can’t forgive you for what you did. I can’t go back to where all the memories are. I want a fresh start.”

  This was the first time she had ever stood up for herself. The old Billie was such a people-pleaser but from now on, she would make her own decisions. Even though it hurt to be so cold towards the woman who gave her life. But she had to do this.

  “What are you talking about, forgive me for what? I gave up my relationship with my mother for you. Yes we reconnected for a bit, but after you left, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t forgive her after all. It wasn’t easy for me either, you know. All I’ve ever done is love you,” cried her mum. Tears welled up in her eyes.

  This was exactly what Billie was afraid of. She hated to see her mum cry and she knew that. She was trying to emotionally blackmail Billie but it would not work. Billie was no one’s puppet any more.

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Mum. I’m sorry but I think you should leave. I’ll give you my forwarding address and number in case of emergencies but that’s it.”

  Her mum pulled back her shoulders and wiped the tears from her face. She must have seen that she was fighting a losing battle this time.

  “Okay, if that’s how you feel. I’ll leave you alone, I won’t bother you again. I just thought you might have needed me. But I guess you’ve got Adam now.”

  “Adam?”

  “Don’t look at me like that, I do read. I saw the article he wrote to you. I think the whole world saw it, it was reprinted enough,” scorned her mum.

  When Billie didn’t respond and instead blushed and looked sheepishly at the floor, her mum let out a gasp of shock.

  “Billie, please tell me you went to see him after he wrote that?”

  Billie shook her head, refusing to meet her eye. How had she gone from feeling so strong and in control, to being berated like a small child? Her mum got up and knelt down on the floor, forcing Billie’s head up so she was looking at her.

  “Love, I’m going to give you one piece of advice before I leave. If you ever listen to anything I’ve told you, you listen to this. I must have read that article twenty times, each time I read it, the love Adam has for you became more evident. It screamed from each sentence. It takes a very special man to be able to open himself up like that, make himself vulnerable, and to the world no less. I know what he did was wrong. But he saved your life. He was the star witness in putting that man in prison. Billie, we might not be getting along right now or be as close as I’d like. But no matter what has happened between us, I want you to be happy.

  “Adam can make you happy, Billie. He put his own uncle behind bars. He isn’t going to fall under his control again. His writing was so honest, he admitted what he had done. Doesn’t that earn him your trust? He loves you, Billie. He loves you in a way that I have never been loved. You have been to hell and back and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let that evil bastard take away a man that worships the ground you walk on. Just think, you’d be sticking two fingers up at him by letting yourself be happy. Please, Billie, go and see him. Go and be happy with the man you love. Please,” said her mum tenderly.

  With that, she kissed Billie on the cheek and stood up and went to leave. Just as she got to the door, her hand on the door handle, she stopped. Without turning around, she spoke.

  “It takes a very brave and strong person to admit when they have done something wrong. It takes an even stronger person to apologise. I’ve done things I’m not proud of,” her mum took a deep breath. “I’ve let you down. I know that. I’ve never been able to say it though. I’m sorry I didn’t do the right thing. I love you, Billie, you are my baby girl and I let you down.” Billie could hear the sadness and the tears in her voice. This was a side of her mum she had never seen. “I should have protected you and I didn’t, I was too scared and selfish. I just hope one day, you can forgive me, and I can have my baby back.” She didn’t look back as she left.

  Billie lay down on the floor and sobbed. Bobby came over and she cried into his fur. She cried for the mum she had just seen. The one that cared for her and wanted her to be happy. Why couldn’t she be that person all the time? It made her chest hurt. She had finally apologised. She had said everything Billie had been desperate to hear. She knew her mum wasn
’t a bad person. She was just a scared and stubborn one. She had missed her mum. Even though she was selfish and self-centred, she did love Billie. Deep down she knew she’d done the right thing. Maybe in time she could reconnect with her family but at the moment she couldn’t. Although her mum loved her and had made the first move, she would not be able to move on and have a fresh start if she stayed in close contact with her for the moment. She needed to rebuild herself. To find who she was when she was free of other people’s control.

  Billie also cried for Adam. To hear her mum say his name. Begging her to go to him. It had planted a seed of hope in her heart. It was willing her to get up and go to him. But she was so scared. She didn’t want to hurt any more. She didn’t want any more drama or upset. She just wanted a normal, happy life. Could Adam really give her that as her mum seemed to believe?

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Adam

  Adam answered the knock at his front door and a stranger walked straight through it into his flat. She appeared to be in her late fifties, with dyed brown hair. She was plainly dressed in blue jeans and a matching jumper, but she walked confidently into his kitchen, then turned back to look at him. He knew who she was when he concentrated on her eyes and the shape of her nose. He had studied Billie enough times to recognise her face within her mother’s.

  “I’ll get straight to the point, Adam. I’m Billie’s mum and I need you to go over there now.”

  Adam was taken aback by her forthright manner. She was the opposite of Billie in everything, the way she held herself, confident and sure. Her voice held none of the sensitivity or compassion that Billie’s had. He was prejudiced already because of everything Billie had unwittingly told him about her in the hospital, but this visit just cemented his opinion of her. The way she walked in and expected him to do as she said and listen to what she wanted to say. He wondered if she knew that Billie was a better woman than she’d ever be and that was why she treated her the way she did.